THE TESTIMONY THAT GOD GAVE TO ME

In 1991 God put in my heart to be a blessing to Him and His people and to speak to Vietnam Veterans and their families and to share the testimony that God had given to me about my Vietnam War experiences. How God had saved me, my wife, daughter and son and tell what we have been through for over 24 years of our lives. God has allowed me many opportunities to speak at churches and conferences and be a witness to many people whom I meet wherever we go. Please take the time to read the testimony. I pray that you will be blessed.

The Testimony

After I was born, my father was called to preach God's word during the early 1950's. While growing up with a Christian background and being raised in a Christian home, I loved God and knew God's Commandments. After high school I was drafted at age 19 and went to the U.S. Army to serve two years. I went to Vietnam to fight for my country in 1967, and was wounded with second and deep third degrees burns to my body. I was in several hospitals in Vietnam and then to Japan, while in the hospital in Japan they done some minor surgery on my burns and right arm and then I was sent to a burn center in Texas. There was very much suffering and severe pain from the burn areas of my body. I ran very high fevers due to the infection in my body, which went into Gangrene setting up in my blood stream and severe dehydration within my body. By this time my right arm was rotting away.

On July 5, 1967, at the burn center in Texas, I under went surgery to put skin grafts on my right arm. The doctors had told me that I would have to have several skin graft operations. If the skin grafts did not take, then I would lose my right arm. Three days after the first surgery they took off the bandages from my arm and found that I had taken 100% skin graft. The doctors were amazed when they looked at my right arm and skin grafts, they were amazed at how the skin grafts took due to the condition that I was in when I arrived at the hospital and that my burn scars had taken a 100% skin graft. I looked at the doctors and told them that God had healed me. I was told that I was the first patient to have ever taken 100% skin graft in the first surgery in the burn center in Texas. Following this was a time of rehabilitation to my right arm for several weeks with severe pain.

I was sent home after a few weeks for a thirty-day leave. The hospital wrapped up my burn scars and helped put my Army uniform on me, and then I was sent home on an airplane to Indiana. Upon arrival at the airport, as I departed from the airplane to walk to the terminal to see my parents and brother and sisters, I was confronted by a group of people standing outside of the airport terminal. I thought they were there to greet me back home along with other soldiers, until I was in the middle of this group of people. They started to curse at me, calling me a baby killer, a murderer and other names that I can not say, they started hitting me and kicking me and spitting on me. After getting through this, my parents, brother and sisters were inside the terminal to greet me home. It was good to see my family, but everything had changed. I was confused in my mind and very hurt and angry about the things that had went on in my life while serving in the Vietnam war and returning back home. I had so many questions and no answers to what had happen to me during the war, why I had to do the things that I did during the war, why I was wounded and the pain and suffering that I had went through, and why I was confronted by the angry people outside of the airport terminal and why I felt so unloved and why I did not fit in with my friends and family anymore.

If God so loved me, then why would he allow all of these things to happen to me? My only thought was that God hated me because I had broken the Ten Commandments, The Sixth Commandment "Thou Shalt Not Kill", which is what I had to do in the Vietnam War. I felt in my heart that I was surely going to hell and was being punished by God for what had happen during the Vietnam War. I only wish that I could have talked to my parents or someone at that time and ask them if God still loved me. I figured that no one would understand or care what had happen to me. I blamed the government, the people in the United States that had sent me to Vietnam, even my own family. I had so much hate inside of me. I knew that I was different from everyone except for my buddies that had served in the Vietnam War. I had changed to a complete different person. After a 30-day leave at home I went back to the Hospital for some more therapy and then was released from the hospital. I spent the next year finishing my duties in the Army. My last year in the military I began smoking and drinking to try and forget about my experiences and what had happen to me during and after the Vietnam War. I was discharged from the Army and went home.

The next several months were spent trying to get a job. No one would hire me because I was a Vietnam Combat Veteran and they labeled me crazy. More drinking and smoking was the only life that I had. I spent hours on back roads drinking by myself and trying to get my life back in order. I was so lonely and felt so unloved. Things were really getting bad. Very little sleep and I had become an alcoholic. The war was still with me no matter how much I drank. I would pray to God and talk to him, but felt he was not listening to me. I finally met a young lady about a year later that changed my life. I knew that God had sent her to me. She helped me in controlling my smoking and drinking. I still keep the Vietnam War inside of me and just could not talk to anyone about my war experiences and what had happen to me at the airport. I just keep it all bottled up inside of me. I was so dependent on alcohol to help me feel better about myself and to coop with my war experiences, but the war was getting worse in my mind.

My wife and I had a beautiful daughter and son that God had given to us in 1971 and 1972. I had worked at several jobs from 1968 to 1971. My family and I decide to move to Florida because and I felt that if I were to move away from Indiana, that I would leave all of my problems and the Vietnam War behind me. From 1971 to 1981 I again had several jobs and was still smoking and drinking. I just could not get along with anyone and did not trust anyone. The war was really getting bad in my mind. By 1981 I finally had to start seeing psychiatric doctors. They told me that I could be helped, but would be on medication for the rest of my life. They said that I could not be cured of my war experiences and now I was labeled crazy by a lot of people. I was diagnosed as having Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) for my related Vietnam War experiences.

I started going to Veteran's Outreach Programs; these were group meetings with other Vietnam Veterans. I found out that they too had the same problems as I did, but one thing that I realized was, that we shared the same thoughts about God, and that was God did not love us and hated us for what we had done in the Vietnam War. This was brought up at different times during my outreach programs. If God loved us so much, then why did he allow such things to happen? I was not alone in what I felt inside of me. This really made me feel that I was surely going to hell. By 1983 I had to leave my job and became 100% disabled. My mind was completely taken over by the war. I was fighting the war in my mind 24 hours a day. Nightmares, flashbacks, waking up in the night with cold sweats, screaming and having rages over the least little things. I would get so mad at times that I would almost lose control of myself. Suicidal thoughts were getting bad. Every time that I would have a suicidal thought and would get to the place where I wanted to end my life, I would then see the faces of my children and my wife, and I could not go through with it.

I walked out in front of a truck one time and did not even remember what had happen; I only got a few scratches and bruises. I have tried to cut my wrists on more then one occasion, and would always see the faces of my family and could not go through with it. I was put into a mental hospital for seven days, and that made things even worse. My family was suffering so much; I was using my family to ventilate my anger that would build up inside of me. I tried not to get so angry, but the rages kept coming. I only slept two or three hours a day. I was so afraid that someone or something would happen to my family. I was so over protective of them. I knew my family could not take much more of my rages and out burst from me. Also other people who knew me. I was taking a lot of medication just to keep the anger and rages down. This went on till 1991. I did not like or love myself and felt that no one else did either, not even my own wife and children. Everyone was so scared to say anything to me. It seemed that I was losing everything that I loved. All I knew was that I wanted to end my life.

On January 17, 1991, I was at my end. I no longer wanted to live; I was tired of it all. I just wanted to come home from the Vietnam War and I did not know how to do that except to die. I told my doctor on several visits that the only way that I would have peace of mind from the war was to die. I felt my family would be better off without me being around and I was making their lives miserable. I had put my family through a lot, and I knew they did not love me and God for sure did not love me and I was going to lose my family and everything that I had. The Gulf war had started, my son was at draft age. Tim a real close friend of our sons and our family was in the Gulf War. I was so scared that they would draft my son and also worried that Tim our friend would be injured or lose his life to the war. It caused my mind to back things that had happen to me during the Vietnam War that I thought I would never think about again. I did not want my son to go through what I had gone through. The dreams, flashbacks and sleep were getting worse every hour. I started to see Vietnamese coming through the walls of our house after me. I had not sleep for almost five days; the enemy was attacking me from all sides.

I did not know what to do, I was afraid to go to sleep in fear the enemy (VC) would hurt my family. I remembered that I had taken about 28 or so pills that day of January 17, 1991. So I decided the only way out was to take more medication and to commit suicide and then the enemy could no longer hurt my family and me. I knew by taking that much medication that it is possible that the medication could possibly kill me. I was ready to stop living. As I sat in a chair in the living room waiting for the medication to take over and waiting to die, I was watching the news channel about the Gulf War. There was a report that came on about a pilot that had sent his grandmother a post card from the Gulf War, and he had written on the post card and told his grandmother that not to worry about him, for he was in God's hands and if he were to die, that he would be dying in the Holy Land. That report really got to me, this man knew that God was on his side. I looked up at the clock and it was 2:00 am on the morning of January 18, 1991. An emotion came over me and tears were flowing down my face. This was the first emotion that I had felt for 24 years since coming home from the Vietnam War.

I started to get real hot all over, then I started choking, I was gasping for air, and I could no longer breathe. I could not call out for help and could not get up from the chair that I was setting in. I knew it was all over for me, that I was going to die. On my last breathe of air, I just put both of my hands toward heaven and said to God, "DO SOMETHING WITH ME NOW OR TAKE ME HOME". The next thing that I remember was, that I was sitting on the couch, my arms still stretched toward heaven, my legs were stretched out toward the floor, I was numb all over and could not move, and was so hot inside, but I felt a peace in my mind. I looked up toward heaven and I heard these words, William you must name all of the people that you hate even all of the Vietnamese that you hate and also the ones that you think that you hate, and then ask for forgiveness. I said Lord I don't hate anyone any more, God said name each person. So I started to name the ones that I hated and then ask for forgiveness and after that I felt an unusual feeling in my feet and toes and it started up my body to my head and arms and out my finger tips. As I opened my eyes I saw a cloud above me, and God began to reveal to me in color my complete experience while serving in the Vietnam War.

Then the cloud disappeared and was gone. As I looked around the living room, I looked at the clock and it was now after 4:00 AM. For two hours or more I was out and can't remember what happen to me till I awoke after 4:00 AM. All I know is that a peace, joy, and warmth was all over me. I felt as if the world had been lifted off of my shoulders. I was so weak and tired but yet felt so good all over; all I know is that God had forgiven me of my sins, what I did in the Vietnam War and that he had always loved me. He had taken me by the hand and had lifted me from the pit of hell. I give thanks to God Almighty. The next few days were unbelievable, all I could think about was God and his love, and for the first time in 24 years I started liking myself. God had given me love, peace and joy in my heart. From January 18, 1991 I have only had to take one pill a day. I went from 28 pills or more on January 17, 1991 to only one pill on January 18, 1991, and had no withdrawals. God spoke to me later and said for me to be patient and he would take away all of my medication from me, anger, hatred, dreams, flashbacks, nightmares and would give me joy and peace. I sat and wondered a few weeks later why God had revealed to me in a cloud that morning of January 18, 1991, about my war experiences, then it came to me that I no longer had the dreams, nightmares, flashbacks during the day or the nights since January 18, 1991.

God had taken this away from me. He was slowly remolding me. There was such a change in my life, I did not tell my family what had happen to me, but I knew they had seen a difference in me. God was changing me. I now spent my days and nights reading God's word. I was not aware of what was going on in the lives of my wife, daughter, and son. While God was working on me he was also working on my family. My family and I started going to church on February 17, 1991, and all accepted Jesus Christ as our personal Lord and Savior, and were baptized on March 17, 1991. After the baptism we went home and my family and I were standing around in the living room and as I was holding my wife in my arms. The Lord spoke to me and said to me, William if something was to happen to you now, I will take care of your wife and children. I was so over protective of my family in the past 24 years and was afraid that someone would hurt them. I said to God that day in prayer, Lord I give you my wife, and my daughter, and my son. As soon as I prayed that prayer, the fear of losing them and someone hurting them went away. I knew God would protect them and me now. As the days went by, God put it in my heart that I should get my mom and dad back in church. Also our close friend Tim, that had made it back from the Gulf War.

My Mother and Father sat by my side along with my family on Easter Sunday morning in 1991. Just like it was as I was growing up. Also our friend Tim gave his heart to Jesus Christ a few months later in 1991 and is a witness to a lot of his friends and other people. What a good God we serve. On July 4, 1991 I finally received my welcome home, from the Vietnam War. The church that my family and I were attending was having a Veteran Salute to all Veterans and they had announced that if any active or non active military people, that would want to participate and had there uniforms, were welcome to be in the Veteran Salute. So I participated with three other veterans to represent the four branches of the military. We were on the platform for a few minutes and then were sent behind the platform to get ready for the next part of the program. As an Air Force Colonel and I were talking about the ceremony, I mention that it was like a welcome home for me since my return from the Vietnam War, in 1967. As we were going back on the platform for the completion of the program, the Colonel spoke to the pastor of the church and they announced that this was my first welcome home since the Vietnam War.

What a welcome home, my emotions inside of me were tremendous. Before God Almighty, the congregation, my mother and father, my wife, and daughter and son, I had finally came home from the Vietnam War that had taken over my mind for the past 24 years of my life. The pastor asked all the veterans to come upon the platform and he had prayer for all of us. Many veterans welcomed me home, especially the Vietnam Veterans. It was a very emotional time for all of us. As I was standing at the back of the platform with the veterans, I heard these words from JESUS: William you have one more welcome home, and that is the day you and I walk the streets of Gold hand in hand. What a wonderful word from Jesus. The church and my family were so happy, I never hugged so many people and shook so many hands in my life. I was just overwhelmed with all that was going on. I knew the Lord had planned this out for me. God had welcomed me home in his own special way from the war. What a welcome home that I had.

God had taken away my smoking and alcohol abuse from me in 1979 and then in 1991 helped me with my drug and medication abuse, taken away my nightmares, dreams, flashbacks, and my war experiences away from me. God had restored my relationship with my wife, daughter and son and renewed our love with each other and given my family and I the most important thing in life, our salvation. He had forgiven us of all are sins. Restored my love with my mother and father and my brother and sisters. To God be all of the Glory, Honor, and Praise for all that he has done. God continues to work with me every day. As you remember back a few pages, God had spoke to me and told me to be patient that he would take away all of my medication, anger, hatred, dreams, nightmares, flashbacks and would give me peace and joy. I can tell you that God does what he promises. I have been asked what I thank God for, and my reply is, I consider it a bonus each day that I awake, and am still alive and that I love him with all my heart, soul, mind and strength. I feel it a privilege each day to thank God and tell him how much I love him. I thank God for my family, a beautiful wife and daughter and son, and for our salvation.

During all of those years when I would have the rages and anger that was caused by the war, and would take this out on my wife and daughter and son, and after I would calm down after these rages, I would say to them that I was so sorry and ask them for forgiveness and then try to explain to my wife and daughter and son that this wasn't really me, that the husband and daddy that you see in all of the anger and rages was a person that was being tormented by the Vietnam war everyday. My wife in all of those years always forgave me and she would cry and say to me "it was ok, and that she still loved me". Also my daughter and son "would always forgive me and would tell me that they still loved their daddy". I would buy them the best gifts that money could buy, trying to buy their love back and to say that I was sorry. All my wife and daughter and son wanted was for me to love them and come home from the Vietnam war. They stayed by my side throughout the 24 plus years of all the hell that we all went through.

When it is time that the Lord calls me home, my prayer is that Jesus will hold me in his arms and tell me that he loves me and welcomes me home, then Jesus and I can walk the streets of Gold hand in hand. I know God has called me to share His great love and healing power with people, especially the Vietnam Veterans, who are so dear to my heart. Fellow Vietnam brother's and sister's, God wants you to know He loves you and forgives you for what you had to do in that war. No matter what you have done, God loves you with a love that never ends! He can bring healing and restoration to your life.

(John 15:13) Greater love has no man than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.
(Romans 5:8) But God showed His great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.

Jesus Christ loved us all and He laid down His life for all His friends, for you and me, and hung on a cross at Calvary for all of us, a sacrifice for all our sins, so that we could have eternal life. I pray the testimony has been a blessing to you. I pray that many Vietnam Veterans and their families and anyone else that reads the testimony will give their hearts and lives to Jesus Christ. If so, then I'll know that God has used the testimony and my pain and war experiences to save others, and that God and God alone will get all of the Glory and Honor and Praise for His Son's namesake. It is my prayer that God will heal and restore you, as He has for me. I pray you will become a mighty witness for God's Kingdom.

Please read the following verses:

(Romans 10:9) That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised Him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.

(Romans 10:10) For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made to salvation.

(Romans 10:13) FOR WHOSOEVER SHALL CALL UPON THE NAME OF THE LORD SHALL BE SAVED.

If you want to receive Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior in your heart today, please repeat the prayer below out loud.

A Sinner's Prayer to Receive Jesus as Lord and Savior

Heavenly Father,
I come to you as a sinner, I ask you now to forgive me of my sins. I believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God and believe He died on the cross for me and rose on the third day and has forgiving me of my sins. I ask you to come into my heart. I ask you now to wash me and cleanse me. I thank you for writing my name in the Lambs Book of life. I will with your help follow you all the days of my life.
Thank you God, In Jesus Name, Amen.

Three things I would suggest you do after receiving Jesus Christ into your heart

1. Buy a bible and read it everyday.
2. Tell someone about your receiving Jesus Christ into your heart.
3. Find you a church and attended it regularly.

If you prayed to receive Jesus today, or would like to contact us for prayer or comments, or to receive a bible, email us at wlh@dnet.net. We would love to hear from you!

In My Heavenly Father's Love,

Your Brother in Christ and Fellow Vietnam Combat Brother,

Brother Bill